Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Guilt

SO, last week was a TOTAL bust. I ate horrible the whole week, and felt even worse due to both feelings of guilt and failure, and also due to an upset tummy often after my eating.

I kept thinking, I will get back on track tomorrow - but I said that everyday, so tomorrow never came.

I saw my WI buddy on Sunday and told her that I was not going to my meeting on Monday because I just COULDN'T face the scale (at last check at home I was up more than 6lbs). She told me that she was up a bit too and that we should both get back on track this week and make a promise that no matter what, we would be back next week.

Still, the rest of Sunday I ate poorly, and then Monday I was marginally better, but still not completely OP.

Then this morning, I read it - I was catching up on the blogs here and saw the post for the BLBE and saw that I was the top 'loser' for team lean last week!!! I should have felt so happy, but instead all I felt was GUILT!!! Guilt for letting myself fall so far away after such a great week. WHY WHY WHY??? I wish I knew why I do these things, I know that that is part of the key to this whole journey, that if I want to reach my goal (which I DO!!!) and maintain a healthy lifestyle for the rest of my life (hello, that's why I'm here) then I need to get to the bottom of why I get off track - and yet still, after MANY years of yo-yo dieting and the last 7 months on Weight Watchers I still have no clue as to WHY!

Hopefully it will come, and one day I will have the epiphany that answers that question for me - but for now I just need to be OP, get back on track with both eating and exercise (was I ever on track with exercise?) and move forward - and by forward I mean downward - lol

Also, a big SHOUT OUT to my friend Lisa who got third place on team angie!!!

4 comments:

Janna said...

Jen sorry you are going through a rough time...but the good news is...YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT! That is why it is a journey!

If you need to vent...email me!

Have a great day!

Kari said...

oh girl I so hear you on this one. I had a horrible horrible week with being gone to the states and eating out and I let it continue after I got home. BUT I'm back in action and while I know I can workout everyday no problem, I have to learn to make better food choices to see the fruits of my labor. Nothing is impossible though!!!

Heather's Journey said...

Come on girl u can do it.... I am in the same boat. I have eatin like a pig the last 2 weeks but no more!!! We will stay on track! Get back girl, all os us in blog land need u! =)

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