A fresh start.

Enough is enough. 

I've gained enough weight and finally took control of my life back and went back to weight watchers.

I went Monday, and as I walked in the door I couldn't see my leader, so I slowly stuck my head around the divider - and there she was. She lifted her head up, saw me and smiled!! She came out from behind the counter, gave me a big hug and said "I'm so glad that you didn't give up." It felt so nice, it truly felt like 'coming home'.

I've gained back most of what I lost, but I'm trying not to worry about that - and just move on.

I'm excited to get back to blogging and reading everyone's daily adventures.

dare I say it......

back AGAIN!

Man, this is becoming a theme for me.

Well, 3rd times a charm - RIGHT?

I had decided on Sunday that NO MATTER WHAT I was going to my meeting on Monday. When I spoke with my ww buddy, she wasn't really keen on going because she knew she would be up, but when she heard that I was going she decided to go too.

We both faced the scales, and it was NOT pretty. I am officially 14 lbs heavier than my lowest weight which was on April 20 - 14 lbs in 3 months !! THAT STINKS.

I weigh the same as I did on DEC.29 so basically I am more than 6 months behind - THAT REALLY STINKS!!!

What hit home for me was that as I was sitting there waiting for the meeting to start, I saw a poster for a WW contest to be a success story. I VOWED to be a success story - and now, here is a contest, staring me in the face. 

Had I stayed on track, I may have been at goal, or at least, very close to. 

Well, I still want to be a success story. I got an entry form, and I have posted it on my fridge. I have until the end of September to enter, so I have until the end of september to get my butt in gear, and lose weight.

wish me luck ;)

back again

Well, I haven't been posting here very much because I have been so disappointed in the choices that I have been making, so I haven't wanted to talk (write) about it.

The good news is, I AM BACK! The house is sold, and the new house is bought - so life can now get back to normal.

I really didn't handle the situation of house hunting and having the house on the market well at all - I totally threw all my hard work aside and reverted back into old patterns that got me fat in the first place. Through the month long process (or just a bit longer than a month) I gained 8.6  lbs!! YUCK

Last week at my meeting I was pretty quite. My leader came up to me afterwards and reminded me how far I've come. She reminded me that I've done WW before and never stuck with it this long. She reminded me that at other times in my life this kind of gain would have caused me to quit - but this time I'm still there. SHE IS SUCH A FANTASTIC LEADER!!!!

I wasn't very motivated at that point, and I think she could sense that so she challenged me to change just ONE thing in the following week. Sounded easy enough so I thought I would give it a try. I decided that I wasn't ready to get my eating back on track so I would try to incorporate some activity in my week (yes, EXERCISE  - my NEMESIS!!!). So I pulled out the new Wii Active program that I bought and gave it a try. I did it two times last week, and then pulled the muscles in my thighs pretty badly, so that was it for the week - but it was something.

I was down 1.6 at wi today, so its a start. Only (yeah right, only) 7 more lbs to go to get back to where I was. But I know I will do it, I will get there. I am not going to give up. This weeks lesson was geared towards motivation and things we can do to get us back to the point where we were highly motivated - JUST WHAT I NEED!! So I left there feeling rejuvenated - ready to tackle this head on, and to make good choices this week.

We don't move until August 27th, so I have time to drop some more weight and hopefully my new neighbours will never know the fat Jen - just healthy Jen.

In case you want to see it, here are a few pics of the new place. (We love it and are super excited - I took 80 pics, but will just post one of the exterior and two of the kitchen - I LOVE MY KITCHEN!!)

Back for fess-up time.

So, the guilt I felt last week didn't seem to kick me back into gear the way that I had hoped it would. I followed last weeks horrible week with another horrible week. I truly thought that i could just skip my ww meeting last week and then get back on track on my own - that was not the case. 

I have many excuses why I ate so poorly - but they are just that, EXCUSES! The main one is that since we have showings on our home every day (and usually around the dinner hour) we have eaten almost every single dinner out over the last two weeks - ouch to both my waist and my wallet! 

However, I've been on WW since September (and many times before that) so by now I should have a good solid base of how to make healthy choices even when eating out. I do have the knowledge, I have just chosen to ignore it all.

The outcome - 5.6 lb gain. How pathetic. I now weigh exactly what I did on March 16th. So, I have basically thrown 6 weeks of work out with 2 weeks of CRAP!

I am not happy with myself. However, I knew it would be a bad wi and I still went, so that is something good. I now have more insight into myself and know that I can't miss my meetings just because I don't want to see what the scale has to say - I'm not fooling anyone with that. I also know that my meetings uplift me, Mondays was FANTASTIC and I really left there feeling pumped for the week to come. So, even though we went out for dinner last night AGAIN (please let this house sell soon) I made healthy choices.

On a much happier note - I got my free Hamilton Beach Panini grill today - I can't wait to try it!! Thank you Dempsters - lol. They are now offering a free BBQ tool set with 6 UPCs from buns and $6 for shipping - I think I will get that one next ;)

Guilt

SO, last week was a TOTAL bust. I ate horrible the whole week, and felt even worse due to both feelings of guilt and failure, and also due to an upset tummy often after my eating.

I kept thinking, I will get back on track tomorrow - but I said that everyday, so tomorrow never came.

I saw my WI buddy on Sunday and told her that I was not going to my meeting on Monday because I just COULDN'T face the scale (at last check at home I was up more than 6lbs). She told me that she was up a bit too and that we should both get back on track this week and make a promise that no matter what, we would be back next week.

Still, the rest of Sunday I ate poorly, and then Monday I was marginally better, but still not completely OP.

Then this morning, I read it - I was catching up on the blogs here and saw the post for the BLBE and saw that I was the top 'loser' for team lean last week!!! I should have felt so happy, but instead all I felt was GUILT!!! Guilt for letting myself fall so far away after such a great week. WHY WHY WHY??? I wish I knew why I do these things, I know that that is part of the key to this whole journey, that if I want to reach my goal (which I DO!!!) and maintain a healthy lifestyle for the rest of my life (hello, that's why I'm here) then I need to get to the bottom of why I get off track - and yet still, after MANY years of yo-yo dieting and the last 7 months on Weight Watchers I still have no clue as to WHY!

Hopefully it will come, and one day I will have the epiphany that answers that question for me - but for now I just need to be OP, get back on track with both eating and exercise (was I ever on track with exercise?) and move forward - and by forward I mean downward - lol

Also, a big SHOUT OUT to my friend Lisa who got third place on team angie!!!

a great start to the week!

Today:

-Got to watch my daughters class sing at a Kiwanas festival first thing this morning!

-Went to my WW meeting and was down 2.6!!!!

-Have another showing of our home booked this afternoon.

-Dog is at the groomers so he can get cleaned and combed (yay, he was getting stinky)

-I feel great

I can't wait to see what else this week has to bring!

WOW - It was LOOSE

Well, my inlaws came up tonight for dinner and I needed my MIL help with altering a dress I bought, so I put it on to show her. She couldn't get over how "small" I have gotten. She asked if I have ever tried on my wedding dress since losing all this weight. I hadn't.

A few years back when I got down to 160 I tried it on, and it did NOT fit. Body had changed too much after the kids.

I was 165 on my wedding day (11.5 years ago). I know a few years ago (and a few yo-yo diets ago) it didn't fit, but I thought, why not, give it a try, I'm under 150 now.

IT WAS LOOSE!!!! It was quite tight on my wedding day  - and now it is REALLY LOOSE!!! And I still have 25 lbs to goal - this is so great!

What a great NSV - I am on cloud 9.

lots going on

So, I've been a sicky sue the last few days. Wednesday evening I started to feel nauseous and that didn't stop until early this morning. I literally didn't sleep at all Wednesday since I kept feeling like I was going to vomit (nothing happened) and then all day yesterday I had the same feeling. I only had some diet ginger ale and a banana yesterday. Then I took some gravol and went to bed at 6pm!!!! crazy. I slept right through till this morning, and I am still not 100% but at least I can function. All I have had so far today is more diet ginger ale and a ancient whole grain roll - but I plan on trying some soup for lunch in a few minutes. (In case there are any wonderers out there - I can't get pregnant, so I'm not.)

On a happier note - our house went on the market yesterday and I just got a call from our realtor's office setting up 2 viewings for this weekend. I hope that they go well because we found a house that we ABSOLUTELY love (perfect house, perfect area, pool), but their asking price is too high so we are hoping to offer them a lower price, but in order to give a good offer we would like to give a firm offer (i.e. not conditional upon the sale of our house) so it would be nice if we could sell quickly.

Keep your fingers crossed for me that we sell QUICKLY!!! lol

The Biggest Loser VS. us at home!

What an emotional episode it was tonight. I think that the makeover one always is - but I like it.

I feel very sorry for Laura that she got injured, but I am glad that she went home. It would really have stunk for her teammates to keep her around solely for the purpose of a vote - and I believe that that is what it would have been. I was so glad to see Mike vote for her to go - and to give Kristen one more chance. I know that they keep saying that she (Kristen) is the biggest threat - but I don't see it like that. I don't think that she can pull the numbers that she needs to to win. I just don't think that she can compete with Tara - who is like the energizer bunny. Frankly, I am kind of sick of seeing Tara win everything.

I was really hoping that Sione would win - but now I guess I am pulling for Filipe. I don't think that he has enough drive to do it - but I can still hope.

But think of it - they are doing it there, at the ranch, with all the equipment, trainers, medical professionals, food, vitamins, supplements and help.

WE ARE DOING IT HERE, 

IN THE REAL WORLD, 

WITH FAMILIES, 

COMMITMENTS, 

SCHEDULES, 

DAILY DUTIES

AND EVERYTHING ELSE THAT GETS IN THE WAY.  

WE ARE DOING IT!!!!

WHAT HAVE WE DONE TODAY TO MAKE US FEEL PROUD - A LOT!!!

Easter Weekend

Well, I made it through Easter weekend barely scathed. I ate one small pack of mini-eggs, I can so deal with that. The hard part is NOW when my house is filled with SO much chocolate that the kids got. I knew that my in-laws would buy them a ton, so why did I do the same???? I definitely wasn't thinking at the time of how hard it would be for me to have it all in the house.

Anyways, today was WI day and I am happy to say that I am down 1.4 lbs and officially out of the 150's!!! WOO HOO!! I spend way too long there. I am also happy to realize that I am less than 25 lbs from goal. That sounds so much more manageable then when I started 42 lbs ago.

I got a new bike (have I mentioned that yet?) and I absolutely LOVE it - it is so comfortable and easy to ride. I need to go to the store today to get the hubby some oranges, so the kids and I are going to take our bikes!!! I'm so excited.

great week so far

I had one blip in the week as far as eating goes = and that was Monday, so I feel like I can make it up before WI next Monday.

Since then I have been completely OP. No exercise, but I have been very busy with housework, painting and organizing so we can put this house on the market - so its better than my usual routine of sitting around on my behind - lol

My hand is so much better. The wound is completely healed - now just waiting for the scar to go away, but it is not very noticeable since it is just an extension of one of the lines on the palm of my hand. The ER Dr. said that if I go to have my palm read they may give me an incorrect reading - lol. Not really my thing anyways. The only thing with my hand is that sometimes when I try to use it I get a weird sensation inside it - almost like it was 'asleep'.

I am looking forward to a great long weekend. 

-Tonight we will have a quiet dinner at home to remember the night that Christ suffered in he garden of Gethsemene, and we will read the account in the scriptures of Easter with the children

-We are planning on moving alot of our stuff to storage tomorrow so that the house will show better. Then we will probably take the kids to see 'Monsters VS Aliens'. 

-The kids have their sports on Saturday morning and then they have a party to go to in the afternoon (yay, 3 hours that the hubby & I can have to ourselves). 

-Sunday will be the easter hunt, followed by church and then maybe a nice afternoon of bike riding (if the weather permits - which I think it will) Did I mention I got a new bike!!! I am so excited.

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!

WI day and new mini goal

So today is WI day and I came SO close to getting out of the 150's forever. I am now EXACTLY 150.0!! Lost only 0.2 but I'm okay with that. I feel re-energized and refocused.

I decided that I needed a new mini goal since I feel that those have helped me in the past. My daughter has a cheerleading banquet on May 13th, and I want to get a new dress for that, so I figured that would make a perfect mini goal. There are 5 wi's between now and then so I have chosen 7 lbs for my goal. I thought about doing 10, but it has been a LONG time since I averaged 2 lbs per week, so I figure that 7 is doable, but still challenging enough that I will have to work for it.

The house is really coming along. We have been painting, organizing and cleaning like mad. We hope to put it on the market next week.

Had a great day yesterday - took the kids for a 5k walk along the lake (fast walk since the kids were on their bikes). It was a great beautiful sunny day. Of course today is miserable and snowing - MAN, gotta love this Ontario weather.

Have a great week blogging buddies!

WI day

Well, first off, I would like to thank everyone for their encouraging comments last week. It was a tough week mentally, and all your comments really helped ;)

My hubby also helped in a weird sort of way. He asked me at one point towards the end of my binging last week if I was done. I asked him 'done what?' and he said 'done with Weight Watchers?' and that's when everything really hit me - HE ACTUALLY THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO GIVE UP! That floored me. I have told him before that this is a lifestyle change - he knows that, he is changing his lifestyle too!! But I guess he just watched me fall back into old patterns and figure I was going back to how I used to be. I told him - NO, NEVER!!! I am never going back, I am never giving up, and I will reach my goals. I told him that I may stray sometimes, but I will always find my way back.

I think that was the final push I needed. I got right back on track, and drank LOTS of water to help flush all that crap out of my system. It worked really quickly, 2 days later I weighed what I did on the Monday before the binge. And now, at wi day today I was down 0.6, which means I HAVE REACHED 40 LBS GONE!!! I am officially 40.4 lbs lighter than when I started this journey. I am so happy, and ready to have a great week. NO EXCUSES!!!

My week so far - very long post, sorry.

So, I just read Lisa's blog about her week so far, and mine is like the polar opposite of hers.

So far this week I have done ZERO exercise - ZERO!! 

And as for eating.....

Swiss Chalet Chicken on a kaiser with Poutine

Big Mac & fries

Pad Thai

Pizza (4 pieces I think, but maybe 5)

Party Mix (probably half the bag)

Snickers bar

and these are just some of the things that I remember, needless so say I haven't been journaling.

The crazy thing is (more crazy I mean) other than the pizza, I really didn't enjoy any of it - but I didn't stop either. I kept thinking, this will be just what I was looking for, and then it wasn't.  There is one simple reason for this.........THE ANSWER IS NOT FOOD!!!!

I didn't realize until just now how stressed I have been this week. We are trying to get our house in order to put it on the market (painting, cleaning, organizing and dealing with contractors), we are waiting to hear on my husbands raise at work, we have been house hunting and I find one that I LOVE, but my hubby isn't so sure (why can't he just love what I love - lol), and I am still dealing with this dumb hand.

Speaking of my hand, it is healing nicely (according to my Dr) but it is really sore. The bruising is both on the palm (where the wound is) and on the other side of my hand by the thumb knuckle. The Dr said it is due to the internal bleeding and that it will take time to go away - too bad because its really ugly. I find that the wound hurts a bit, but worse is how my whole hand aches after I have used it for a while, which I need to do with everything going on with the house right now.

I know that this is all excuses - and I don't want to make excuses. I want to continue on to my goals. I want to get healthy. I was watching Grey's last night and seeing all the one of the characters has to go through in regards to cancer treatment got me thinking. I know that being overweight is a factor for many cancers, and I don't want to ever have to go through that, or for my family to have to. I know I need to make better choices, to plan ahead and to take the time for exercise. I know these things, so why am I not doing it????

From weight this morning is 6 lbs higher than it was on Monday - SIX pounds!!!!

I need an intervention.

caught red-handed.

So, last night I was not organized and we didn't end up eating dinner until Way late - what does this mean - it means that I made bad choices (of course I did, I was starving). Chicken on a kaiser (not bad) and POUTINE!!! Yes, the dreaded poutine makes another appearance in my journal (darn you poutine, you french-Canadian wonder!)

Then I did want to get back on track today - I really did. But the kids wanted McD's for lunch, and since I haven't had it in a long time I figured - hey, why not. As I was sitting here eating my Big Mac (yes, I went there) my doorbell rang. Who was is??? My conscience (disguised as my ww buddy). CRAZY!!! I felt so dumb - until she told me that she too ate poutine yesterday!

Well, onward and upward (downward?). I will do better for the rest of the week. My hand is healing, but it is really badly bruised now too - I hope that's OK. I did start to fall down the stairs yesterday (I'm a klutz) and when I did I grabbed the railing with BOTH hands to save myself (BIG MISTAKE) and my sore hand throbbed for a few hours after that. I hope that I didn't dislodge the stitch that is on the vein. If I did I think that I would notice something more than a large bruise.

On a MUCH happier note: I came third in the BLBE challenge for Team Lean last week - YAY! I was so happy to see my name.

Well, back to work now. We are considering moving and trying to get our house ready for showing, so lots of cleaning, painting and organizing to do. Funny how we let things go when we just live here - lol.

wi day

Well, i didn't quite reach my goal of 40 lbs lost for this week - but I came so darned close, 39.8 lbs lost!

I lost 0.8 this week, which I'm ok with since i dropped the ball with my exercise - i will do better this coming week.

I'm actually happy that i didn't reach my goal for one reason - my leader was away! She is so great at celebrating with us, where as the fill-in is kind of bland.

This is taking me forever to type since i can only use one hand, so that's all i am going to say for now - good luck to all with the 30 minute per day exercise challenge!

ouch

Today after we returned home from church I was getting lunch ready and tried to separate frozen burgers with a steak knife - NOT GOOD! I have never seen so much blood - the palm of my hand looked like a red fountain. I screamed for my hubby and off we went to the E.R.. My poor kids, my son (5) kept asking if I was ok, and my daughter (6) wouldn't talk or look at me. She told me later that her heart was 'beeping' the whole time.

2 hours and 4 stitches later (3 outside and 1 in to fix the vein I cut - ewwww!) I am home with a very sore hand.

Otherwise it's been a nice weekend. My son had his first official karate class on Saturday - he did great (no whining like he did at the trial class). He participated the whole time, and he actually looks like he may have a knack for it - who knows? We went through some open houses later in the day Saturday. We are thinking of moving to a bigger house - our starter home is outgrowing our little family.

As for the exercise - I basically dropped the ball since Wednesday - I don't know why but I reverted into my old lazy habits!!! NOT GOOD. This coming week will be better! So, I don't think that I will reach my goal at the scale tomorrow - I think I might get a STS.

How is everyone doing with the 30mins?

So, this week I am once again trying to get at least 30 minutes of some sort of exercise/activity in. I know, sounds lame, but for someone like me who avoids exercise at all costs its a good start.

Lisa, Rebecca and Heather said they would also try for the same this week, and I am just curious how everyone is doing. 

I did:

Monday - 30 minute walk

Tuesday - big fat goose-egg (i.e. NOTHING)

Wednesday - at least 1 hour walking

I don't know what my problem is with Tuesdays.  I think that is the same day that I wimped out last week. I need to really pick it up for the rest of the week if I hope to reach my goals that I have set forth for the next wi which are:

40 lbs gone (1 lb to go)

out of the 150's (1.6 lbs to go)

Yesterday after swimming lessons, I took the kids into Toronto to go the the dentist and then off to the Royal Ontario Museum. We still go the the dentist in the city because he is the one I used to work for before I had kids - so I trust him and he gives me a discount! Plus I get to catch up with all my old co-workers.

My daughter has been wanting to go to a 'dinosaur museum' for a long time now. I checked it out and the prices are SO expensive, but the ROM listed that you can go for free on Wednesdays after 4:30. So that's what I planned, only to find out that it is not free this week since it is March break, its half price. So here is a breakdown of my costs for my 'free' day:

-$14.50 for parking (and thats with the museum discount)

-$26.00 admission

-$25.00 at the museum gift shop (kidlets NEED a souvenir - lol)

-$9.00 for a transit pass to and from the dentist

-$16.00 for dinner (they had McD's, I had Subway) 

GRAND TOTAL - $90.50 and that's not including gas!!!

Man, its expensive to do anything fun with the kids - I hate that. And truly, they were bored with the museum quite quickly! I think we will stick to the zoo this summer - annual family pass is $140 and they have a water play area to cool off in.

oh what a beautiful morning

oh what a beautiful day. (yes, its a  happy singing kind of day)

The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and I think that spring is finally here to stay (man, I hope I didn't just jinx it). My kids are upstairs playing very nicely with each other and I just got news that one of my best friends just gave birth to her first baby - a girl!!

I was OP all day yesterday, and it felt great. We even ended the day with an evening walk with the kids. Definitely not a cardio workout - but exercise none the less.

I plan on staying OP again today, and I am VERY excited about the Biggest Loser tonight - I just love the show, and I am excited to see if anything new transpires between Jillian and the cousins tonight.

WI day

It's Monday - that means WI day. 

I'm grateful for a husband who decided to go into work late today so that I could go to my meeting without taking the kids (its march break here)!!!

I lost 2.4 lbs this week - YAY, I am so happy about that. I am 1 lb away from 40 lbs gone, and I am 1.6 lbs away from being in the 140's!!! I can't wait. I am going to try really hard this week to reach both of those goals for my next WI.

I want to thank Lisa for challenging me to get in at least 30 mins of exercise each day this past week - it really paid off. How did you do with it Lisa??? I want to continue this challenge for this week as well, you in? Anyone else in?

I love this program, and I love how great I feel. I love that we are getting healthy as a family, and I love that I have become a role model of healthy living to those around me.